Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Big Boy

Today, my Little Bear turned a year old. I'm going to say my usual bit about how fast time goes by and I can't believe how big he's getting, blah, blah, blah...because it's true. It seems such a short time ago that I woke up at 4 AM with a strange pain in my belly. Or that I lay in the labor and delivery room and prayed that the anesthesiologist would hurry and show up to give me the blessed epidural. Or that I was on the operating table with "labor induced Parkinson's" (uncontrollable shaking, very frustrating) while they did a C-section after waiting 16 hours to have a baby that was too big to have the ol' fashioned way. How did an entire year go by so quickly?

I have watched my Bear go from a healthy, screeching baby to a healthy, laughing toddler. There have been so many changes. So many milestones. So many moments that I have thought, "I will always remember this" and have already forgotten them. I have tried to write things down, but things slip from my memory before I even reach for the pen and paper. He amazes me everyday. Learning something new all the time and developing into his own little person, independent of Danny and I, with his own little personality. He is happy and talkative (he babbles on and on) while he plays by himself. And then there are times when he is serious and studies what is going on around him, soaking it all in like a little sponge.

He loves it when I sing silly songs to him and hates it when we lay him on the changing table to change diapers. He eats foods at daycare that he won't touch at home. He chews on the spout of the sippy cup, but until Sunday wouldn't dare drink from it. He loves books. He likes for me to read to him but is just as happy turning the pages and reading to himself. These are the things that I want to hold onto. The silly little habits, routines, and mannerisms that I want to remember. I'm trying hard not to wish for the days gone by. Or to wish for days to come (things like "I can't wait for him to be able to..."). I'm afraid that if I spend too much time wishing for days that have already come and gone or wishing for time to hurry and pass that I'll miss the here and now. To miss out on right this minute would be a total waste. What good does wishing do anyway?

I can hardly believe it's been an entire year since the Bear came into our lives. But it's also hard for me to remember a time when we didn't have him. It's amazing to me that we've done so much and come so far in this short amount of time. I still struggle to think of myself as a mother sometimes. I was just Lauren for so long that it's inconceivable that this boy, this darling little creature, depends on me for so much. Up to this point, people depended on me for different things, but I was not responsible for anyone's happiness, well-being, SURVIVAL! I can not think too deeply on this important job I've been tasked with...it kinda makes me freak out.

On to the fun stuff...to celebrate the Bear's birthday, we had a busy weekend ahead of us.

Our busy weekend started with his first haircut. Danny has been fussing for months about how long his hair was. I couldn't cut it until his first birthday. My good friend Lora did the honors. She had the patience of Job while she cut little one's hair. It turned out pretty cute, he looks like a little boy instead of a baby.

We had a good time at our Cowboy birthday party. We had about 30 people to squeeze into our little house to wish the Bear a happy birthday. People came from as far as Atlanta and Alabama. We appreciate y'all coming so far to see him. It means a lot to us.

A few of the decorations...

The delicious (and adorable) cake...

The Bear getting messy with his smash cake...
Our little family (our feet anyway)...

The guest of honor...

His darling little boots...

What's a cowboy without his horse?

I think he had a good time, even if all the excitement wore him out a little. He got all kinds of good toys and we've had a blast playing with all of them this week.

I hope his next 40 birthdays are as much fun as this one was. I'm in no hurry to experience them, but look forward to enjoying them, one at a time, as they come.

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