Tuesday, December 14, 2010

sick leave

I have been at home with a sick bear today. I thought on Sunday that we might be getting sick again, but prayed that he'd just get better. Like some how it would be heading our way but by some miracle we'd miss it. No such luck. He's had a fever, runny nose, coughing and just general yucks. But he's done something today that he hasn't let me do in a long time: hold him. That's how I knew he really wasn't feeling good.

Gone are the days of curling up on the couch and snuggling my boy for hours on end. He is too big for that now. There are too many things to dump over, eat, pull up on, inspect, and just generally get into. But today he has put his head on my shoulder or chest and just sat. We've watched too much TV because that's what you're supposed to do when you're sick, veg out in front of the TV. Ironically enough, it was VeggieTales that we watched all day. We laid down on the couch and he got so still that I thought he had dozed off. He hadn't though, just taking it easy and being lazy. He took a long nap while I get a few things done. I am very sorry that he's sick because I hate to see him uncomfortable and miserable. But since he is sick it has been nice to hold him, stroke his hair, and smell him.

The Bear is going through a Mommy phase right now. He wants to know where I am and cries when I walk out of his sight. I hate that for all the snuggling he and I have done today, he wouldn't let Danny hold him any longer than usual. Sorry about that, Danny. I love this phase and hate it. I love that he wants to be with me, gives me big, slobbery kisses, smiles a brilliant smile when he spots me, and can't crawl over to me and climb up my leg fast enough. I hate it because I feel so guilty when he cries when I leave him at daycare. He doesn't cry everyday. Maybe once a week. I know that soon, either next week or in a few years, he will be a Daddy's boy. They will hunt and fish and do stinky boy stuff without me. He won't let me give him sugars or laugh like crazy when I make funny noises for him. I will hate even more for this phase to be over. I will have to remind myself to look back on these sweet days when he would rather catch bugs than sit and snuggle with me. Those days will come all too quickly.

Technically, this isn't a very good picture. But there are two things I love about it. I love the way he's sticking his tongue out. He does that sometimes and it always cracks me up. Then there's those lashes! They're getting so long. Almost too pretty for a little boy. Sometimes when he blinks I imagine a *woosh, woosh* sound like you hear in movies when they do slow motion. I can almost feel the wind from it!

Gotta love that sweet face and easy smile. He does make me work for it sometimes when I take his picture, but this particular day he was lovin' the camera. It surely loves him.

Here's hoping that he feels better tomorrow. I always have a huge internal debate anytime he's sick: take him to the doctor or let it run its course. I never know for sure if I've made the right decision. Guess that's called parenting, huh?

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